Well, that explains a lot.

[foliedemars]

bestlifeonline.com/demisexual

I'm definitely hetero. I do know that much. But I thought emotional attachment was just a normal part of this. Not truly caring about someone you have sex with has always seemed like some cold-hearted evil bullshit in my mind. I was raised on hellfire and brimstone, "foosball's the devil" style. It wasn't my default mindset, but it was pounded into me by my mother and church people, and it has taken a long time to rid myself of their paranoia, blame, fear, and loathing. Now that those people are removed, and I've gained some real knowledge and have total freedom to think and live for myself, I've made great strides to change the way I understand and interact with others. (So don't feel attacked, readers, because I'm not attacking other sexual orientations. I have friends all across the sexual spectrum now. I'm only explaining myself.)
 

#15 is definitely not me (dislike erotica/porn), but the rest apply to me. I've said since junior high that I'm not a sexual person. Also not asexual, and AVEN agrees. Hate the term "Friendzoned" because you should be their friend first and foremost. Always thought of most people as too sexual. I have never considered that requiring an emotional connection with someone to feel sexually attracted to them as anything other than the correct way to operate, which is why I don't understand much of the population, and one of several reasons why I don't believe I belong here and frequently view the world as dismal and dangerous. I would honestly be horrified to be as sexual as some people I've encountered. They'll have sex with anyone, including people they can't stand, and I want to scream "What the hell is wrong with you?!" And now, the world is telling me that this is "normal" sexuality and mine is not? I admit I'm on the fence about that.

Maybe I'll bring this up to the counselor, but it's certainly not a problem to be solved. I'm so glad I don't want sex with people I don't love, and I don't envy those who do. The very thought baffles me/terrifies me/grosses me out. If that puts me in a gray area, I guess I'll accept that. It sounds ridiculous for it to not be the norm, though. Anything else doesn't make sense to me.

That's how all people feel, right? Whatever sexuality they are, they can't imagine being anything else because it feels right.

Huh.

Comments

[foliedemars]

Thank you! Yes, this is me completely. I do have serious health problems, but after reading a lot more information about demisexuality, especially http://demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-demisexuality/ I am no longer on the fence. It's definitely me. The paragraph that drove it home for me was:

"Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction regardless of whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive people on the street, classmates or coworkers they’ve barely spoken to, or celebrities. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for a variety of reasons: it might not be feasible or appropriate, they want to make sure the person is respectful and kind, it’s against their religious beliefs, they only want to have sex in a romantic relationship, etc. The difference is that demisexuals don’t start out with these sexual feelings at all."

I also said an enthusiastic "yes that's me" to about 85% of articles from other sources. I'll write a follow-up post with more links and talk about this further. As for the judgment, I hear ya. I was a puppet of my church and judgment is what they do. I'm glad I escaped all of that, and I've worked very hard to change my default reactions to things I don't understand. I appreciate you chiming in!

[law]

no problem at all! you're helping me learn and i'm glad that awareness has grown enough for articles to be written and that you're discovering more about yourself :) i'm looking forward to reading more. it's funny that you brought up church because i was raised in a strict religious cult environment and had to unlearn all sorts of toxic and hateful things as i grew older. it's a huge relief to not have to deal with it ( much ) anymore.