This month so far

[foliedemars]

Three appointments in 8 days. I'm exhausted.

I guess I'll give a rundown of my medical clinics here.

1. I've started therapy to deal with anxiety, some of which involves managing my medical conditions. Some people think I'm good at handling all of this, and let me tell you something: they're wrong.

 

 

2. I have an appointment with Muscular Dystrophy clinic in October, but I am undecided on whether or not I'll go, as they have done nothing they've said they would do as of today, and that has been the case for the last two years. I pay for these appointments, and pay just as much to travel up there. We discuss plans of action, and then nothing happens. Something needs to change. I'll decide later.

 

 

3. I have renal clinic in April. I get too anxious sometimes and try to talk myself out of going, but I know I need to remain connected with the clinic who greatly improved my treatment and aided my disability case. I am extremely lucky to have a doctor there who acknowledges and respects me and wants to help. So I eventually climb out of the darkness, scold myself for being irrational, and keep my appointment. My only concern there is having continuous adequate documentation that I'm a physical disaster (because I am), which is required for me to meet SS's disability standards. The fact that I've become a cognitive disaster should also be noted. Hard to believe I once tested as having an above-average IQ and had a 4.0 in college. I'm here to tell you those days are over, my dudes. Over and out.

 

 

4. My insurance only covers eye appointments and glasses every three years. I finally went back to see my fantastic eye doctor, and with the exception of chronic dry eye and being quite nearsighted (-9.25), everything looks great. New glasses will arrive in a week or so. I tried contact lenses again, and it went meh...ok...but I decided to stick with the glasses script.

 

 

5. Internal Medicine is still every 2 to 4 months. Dr. B is immensely patient with me even when we disagree, which makes all the difference in the world. We're both doing our best to deal with what we both know is a dead-end situation. Having so many debilitating conditions, it's hard to maintain any kind of hope that things are going to get better. Thankfully, he keeps trying anyway.

Names associated with clinics, for future reference:

1. Val
2. Dr. S
3. Dr. C
4. Dr. W
5. Dr. B

Comments

[notasupervillain]

It's funny how well people think we manage from outside our heads.

When my anxiety gets bad, it fucks with my memory. It's like my brain is using most of its processing power to keep track of my anxiety rather than to do the usual brain things. I start to find it hard to think at all. So if you're like me, it's not that you're stupid - your brain is just full right now.

[foliedemars]

That's exactly it. Thanks for putting it into words!

[notasupervillain]

If it helps - in my experience, the stupid fog will lift as soon as your anxiety goes down.

[law]

it's good to know that you're taking care and going to all of your appointments. it's definitely a lot to juggle and i'm in the process of trying to get back on track with it. i'm glad you're doctors are agreeable too. you seem like you're handling things better than most, i'd say but i'm just going off what i'm reading.

give yourself more credit ♥